Keepers

by Very Nervous

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about

a collection of songs written in the past two years, some with just vocals and acoustic, some with acoustic and bass, there's a shaker and a frying pan in psych ward hop, and one on an electric organ (boat of my soul). with some help from Shane McWilliams on Bass and Dan Connors playing lead guitar on "Wish You Could Have Stayed" enjoy.

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released July 18, 2014

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That Kid Athol, Massachusetts

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Track Name: Life's all just crap, but at least I have an acorn
went to the community health-link center
because I had lost my head
the man inside said I'm very sorry
but I'm afraid we're out of beds
and I said man you don't understand
I'm feeling terminal
so they shipped me in an ambulance
from hospital to hospital and

wow, life really sucks
but at least I have an acorn
to calm me down when I'm down n' out
yeah at least I have an acorn

got out of the hospital and finally went home
my dad said son I feel for you but from now on you're on your own
and he kicked me out with his big work boot
and sent me on my way
sleeping in my car with all my stuff
how could I not say that

wow, life really sucks
but at least I have an acorn
to calm me down when I'm down n' out
yeah at least I have an acorn

sleeping in my car one night I woke up to a gun
in my face, the man behind it shouted "boy you'd better run"
and he stole my car and all my stuff
including my guitar
my heart was shot my mind was blown
so I laid down on the tar and said

wow, life really sucks
but at least I have an acorn
to calm me down when I'm down n' out
yeah at least I have an acorn
Track Name: Monsters
this one's for the monsters
hiding under your bed
they're hungry
and they need to be fed
and you're looking like a hot pocket
wrapped up in your blanket
at night when you're alone
surrounded by shadows
i don't know where they go
but I know where the monsters come from

they come from somewhere deep inside us
beneath our sinus
in the empty pits of our hearts, that's where they're from
and there they live happily
feeding off my anxiety
and that's how they survive

but you know one day I'll kick them I'll out and I'll say
how things are so much better today
and I'll say how things are so much better
and how now I can sleep at night
and everything's alright

now the monsters are left without a home
they're left out in the cold
but you know I'll see them again someday
in some random coffee shop
and I'll say

"you guys always have a home in me"
feel free to come and go as you please
Track Name: Bummy Scummy Kid
I live my life day to day
and say something's got to give
I'm waiting for you to come back
and put everything back into perspective
but for now I'm on my own
my inner self is a two way mirror
nothing is shown

I'm just a bummy scummy kid
sitting around
with nothing in his head but bad thoughts and prescriptions
( x2 )

I hang onto things that crazy people make
to make them feel better about themselves
I carry their weight
and I swear to god if by the end of the day I can't remember if I'd ate

I'm just a bummy scummy kid
sitting around
with nothing in his head but bad thoughts and prescriptions
( x2 )

went to Lauren's today
to an ugly sweater party
everyone was drinkin' and laughin'
I was thinkin' and sober and mulling over

how I'm bummy scummy kid
sitting on the couch
with nothing in his head but bad thoughts and prescriptions
( x2 )

I think about drinkin'
and I think about you
and I think about dying
and I think about pooh
and eyor my childhood friends
and how if they could see me now
what would they think of me then?

I'm just a bummy scummy kid
sitting around
with nothing in his head but bad thoughts and prescriptions
( x2 )
Track Name: Anti-Depressant
this one's for everyone who's ever woken up wishing they didn't
this one's for everyone who smiles through the pain
with their scars hidden, tucked behind their veins

cause I'd drive across Massachusetts
without giving two shits
about sleep
I'd drive for miles upon end, that's right
If you just need a friend tonight
to talk to till the morning light

this one's for everyone who's ever suffered from a self inflicted burn
just keep your head above the water boy, someday the tides will turn
this one's for everyone who just can't shake those voices in their heads
ignore the skeletons in your closet girl, trust me they're all fucking dead

cause I'd drive across Massachusetts
without giving two shits
about gas
I'd drive for miles upon end, that's right
ignoring my check engine light
if you just need a friend tonight

this one's for everyone who blames themselves for all the problems in the world
this one's for every suicidal boy and every emo cutter girl
this one's for everyone who thinks so much that they can't fucking sleep
this one's for everyone
who's exactly like me
Track Name: Good Mornin' Goodbye
As I drive by
I'll wave you a friendly goodbye
I'll greet you a friendly good bye

and as the frost collects on the window
I'll rest my weary eyes
and as the van skids by on the snow
I'll wave my good-byes

when I wake up
I won't hang round and linger
with cigarette stains on my teeth
and coffee stains on my fingers
I'm leaving
yeah I'm skipping town

because the pills and the pride
that I swallowed last night
are putting up a fight but I'm keeping them down
ow ow own

As I drive by I'll wave you a friendly good-bye
I'll greet you a friendly good-bye

because the pills and the pride
that I swallowed last night
I'm putting up a fight but they're bringing me down
ow ow own

and as the van skids by on the snow
I'll rub my weary eyes
and as the driver slowly sips his SoCo
I'll wave my good-byes
Track Name: Dead Mouse In My Guitar
Woke up this mornin'
picked up my guitar
shook it up
heard something bangin' round
tipped that shit upside down
and what have I found?

there was a
dead mouse in my guitar

and he said "hey man I ain't doin' so good"
and I said "me neither"
and he said "well at least you're alive"
and I said "wait a minute, If you're not alive how are you talkin' to me"
and I said "wait a minute, if you're a mouse how are you talkin; to me"
"am I goin' crazy!?"
the mouse said no
I said yes
the mouse said no
hope the mouse knows best
there was a

dead mouse in my guitar
Track Name: If My Life Was A Hayoa Miyazaki Film
If my life was a Hayoa Miyazaki film,
I'd want it to be Ponyo
because I want to fall in love with a girl
who can do magic and has webbed feet
and we'd be brought together by fate
I want a goldfish to say to me
"Ponyo loves Jake"

If my life was a Hayoa Miyazaki film,
I'd want it to be Kiki's Delivery Service
because I want to fly away from home
and I want to live on the coast
and work in some random bakery
and help a boy who has a crush on me build a flying machine

If my life was a Hayoa Miyazaki film,
I'd want it to be Porco Roso
because that pig flying around in his fighter plane is
fucking loco
and you would think that by the end of the movie
he'd turn back into a human
but by the end you see it's okay to be
a pig

If my life was a Hayoa Miyazaki film,
I'd want it to be Princess Mononoke
because I want a vicious wolf princess to tell me
that everything is okay
and I want to save the trees
and I want to prove myself worthy
of being rid of the demon
inside of me

If my life was a Hayoa Miyazaki film,
I'd want it to be Spirited Away
because I often dream of vanishing
from this world without a trace
and hanging out with a spirit with no face
and saving my parents from becoming a three course meal
and getting them back to what is real
and helping Haku remember his real name

If my life was a Hayoa Miyazaki film,
I'd want it to be My Neighbor Totoro
because I want to do a dance and watch the trees all grow
and play in the yard with my sister May
and find out where the trails in the forest go
and catch soot sprites in my house
and plant trees with you
Totoro
Track Name: Jon Erickson Walking Stast
he doesn't look like anyone else in this fucking town
they all walk around wearing their big frowns
but not him, he's Jon Erickson

with his Khaki pants and a flannel coat and a hoody up on top
his hair's a mess and he's walking fast to stay warm cause you know it's cold
in this world for a dreamer such as he
in this world for a dreamer such as he
don't act young act fucking old
cause you know this world is fucking cold for anyone who's free

walking down the street with a candy cane that my girl bought for me
smoking a cigarette and waiting for a xanax to melt in my belly
and I asked her how much the candy canes were and you know she said to me
"I think this world is perfect and in my perfect world I think everything should be free"
and our hairs' a mess and we're walking fast to stay warm cause you know it's cold
yeah you know it''s fucking cold
yeah you know it's fucking cold in this world for anyone who is bold
so don't act young, act fucking old
Track Name: The Psych Ward Hop
Hello Dad, I'm the son you wish you never had
hello mom, I'm the one you tried so hard on
but everything went wrong
and hello brother, I'm the one you used to love to hit
and hello self, how I wish you weren't so young and pissed

wake up, breakfast
and morning medications
and then, at ten
gentle stretch and meditation
after that, at noon
we'll listen to tunes
on the T.V.
that they got in the lobby

and we'll drink our coffee like it's the last thing we'll ever drink
and we'll think our thoughts like they're the last thoughts that we'll ever think
and we'll go to group and say we're learning quite alot but we're not
so let's all do the psych ward

everybody do the psych ward hop

trazadone and hydroxyzine will make your life seem like a dream
if you're starting to feel low, just take a walk to the med window
and ask them for a couple pills, just something to eas the pain
you'll be feeling good as new, yeah you'll be walking down happy lane
oh yeah

everyone to DBT skills
I don't wanna swallow these pills
would you like to pet my pet peeve?
that guy looks like Keanu Reeves
I don't wanna die yet
I don't wanna diet
the anorexic girls dry heave
you see that guy looks like Keanu Reeves?

KEANU REEVES

hey there, what's up?
what's that?
yeah I've been gone
for a while
went on vacation in Ohio
with my family, it was real nice
oh you saw my dad the other day ios that right

everybody do the psych ward hop
in our hospital socks do the psych ward hop
Track Name: the boat of my soul.
I love that feeling that you get in your eyes
when you step out of the shower and into the world
and your back's still wet and sticking to your shirt
and your eyelids are oysters and your eyes are the pearls
and the oysters open wide but it's still fuzzy to see
but just as clear as day and as alive as the sea
on a dark stormy day, in the middle of spring, in the middle of may
and the boat of my soul with emptiness aboard
strives to finish it's mission, strive to land on shore before
the waves over take it and it sinks down to the sand
and it doesn't matter where, just so long as it lands and it's safe
safe in the garden of Eden where the snake reproduce
and you're all free to be heathens and no one can judge
because no one goes to heaven, If the devil is six
then god is most definitely not seven but five

five simple reasons for you to live, against the six fucking reasons for your soul to give up and die, but not all has been exhausted

because cheap thrills are not dirty they're just things that make you happy that are free
and obstacles are the most difficult when they're the things keeping you from being who you wanna be
happy and free
and the message is to keep pushing all boundaries
just as your boat pushes the sea
Track Name: Kimya Dawson Says
Kimya Dawson says that Rock n' Roll is fun
and to remember that you're very small but you are still someone
and I remember late night talks with my friends
who are really into drugs now, and I'm grateful that I'm not
but I still miss them and the things they used to say to me like
"hey maybe we're not real, maybe this is all a dream
maybe we're all just dreaming of each other,
and we're all keeping each other alive"
and I don't know if I believe that that could be true
but I'll keep dreaming if that means I can hang around with you

and if that's true does that mean if I forget you you'll be dead?
and if that's true does that mean if you forget me i'll be dead?

If this is true, then I swear I won't forget you cause if I do
it'll be like I never met you and you've taught me so much
and you've changed me so much, you've changed my point of view on the world
So I won't forget you even if you don't want to hang out with me no more
because I'm sober
cause I'm a bore
because I'm sober

Kimya Dawson says that Rock n' Roll is fun
drinking coffee smoking cigarettes like Tom Waits and Iggy Pop
in that one youtube video
where they hang out at the diner and the two of them both relapse
and that's all I do for drugs these days
drinking coffee smoking cigarettes I don't need no purple haze
but I still miss you
and I wanna hang out still
but I can't stand seeing you
with your mind at a stand still staring at
the T.V. screen
when it's blank
Track Name: (SFTD + Jade Sylvan Cover) She Doesn't Want You To Know, She's An Inferno
If I was a girl
I'd wear goggles and pin stripe pants
travel to distant lands
and lead a relatively normal nomadic life
I guess I would be basically the same

If you were a boy
you'd be a little less confident
a little more quiet
except when you sing
you'd be loud and unbearable
I just thought I'd let you know
so you'd be prepared for that sort of thing
I guess we'd both be basically the same

If we were born into different worlds
If you were a boy and I was a girl
we'd both be the same ( x2)
except different bodies
you're a little more rowdy
but if I could make the case
we could split time and space
save the whole human race
by holding each other close
but I think you might be my ghost

I know that you might not
write bout me in your blog
cause you've got so many friends
that you can't keep on

but now that I think of it
sometimes I'm just not fit
to keep on this life I live
cause I ignore everyone I've ever been
guess we're both the same

If we were born into different worlds
If you were a boy and if I was a girl
we'd both be the same ( x2)
except different bodies
you're a little more rowdy
but if I could make the case
we could split time and space
save the whole human race
by holding each other close
cause I think you might be my ghost

She doesn't want you to know
that she's an inferno ( x2)

the second you know
oh the second you know
she's a ghost
Track Name: Tints and Smudges
tints and smudges
can paint the prettiest pictures
on my window when it rains

you and me, shackled down by chemicals
pick a rain drop and watch them race
but through the fog
and the colors and refracted light,
through the race on the window pane I could see them

a million souls crashing into one another
a million souls crashing into themselves
a million souls crashing into one another
a million souls crashing into themselves

and they'll float higher than Mt. Washington
and they'll float higher than the Empire State Building

you and me, we're broken misfit toys
square pegs, round holes and broken gears
I've got a broken voice box
but that's okay, you've got no ears

so we'll just sit in silence and serenity and watch the skies unfold
what was once new now is old

tints and smudges
can paint the prettiest pictures
on my window when it rains
Track Name: Pills not Cyanide
my car broke down
it started to snow
couldn't go to Worcester
couldn't make it to shows
drank a lot of whiskey
till my worries were drowned
and my vision was so blurred
I couldn't tell I wore a frown

and this went on for quite some time
getting drunk and bumming rides
but it gave me some time
to think
and time to realize
I've got to get out of this fucking town
before I fucking die

but I'm too broke to hit the road
stuck under debt
feel like I'm gonna corrode in this town
I'm too drunk and full of narcissism
to be a respectable advocate for anarchism

oh god I wish I could have found
a better way to live my life
I'm scared of change
but sick of strife

but there's nothing that I can change right now
so let's have a smoke on the back porch
and chug these motherfucking forties down

wish I could sing
about positive things
like defiance, confidence and shit
but I got no morals to be sold
when I'm out in the cold
just trying to keep my cigarette lit

but believe you me I've fucking tried
to switch my brain to the brighter side
I took the pills not the cyanide

but there's nothing that I can change right now
so let's have a smoke on the back porch
and chug these motherfucking forties down
Track Name: Leslie Howard
I walked in the room
and there, naked she stood
with her weight shifted on one leg
we both understood
"mayday, mayday"
this plane can no longer fly
but her flawless body is pressed up against mine
god why?
why did you make her this way?
the way a Venus fly trap consumes it's prey
it smells so sweet to the poor little flies
so they pursue not knowing that she'll be their demise
she's the butane flame at the tip of my fingers
she's the same kind of pain that doesn't just scar but lingers
with hair just as black as her heart
she's a beautiful walking embodiment of art
she's the torment that lingers in the back of my brain
she's the coffee spill on my shirt
she's that grim little stain
she's everything there ever was or is to adore
she's the reason for the creation of the very word "amore"
she's the waves that wash away all the sand castles on shore
she's everything that I ever wanted and more
she's the closed sign on the door
of a 24 hour convenience store
she's the voice everyone can hear but only I can understand
she's that last cigarette in my trembling hand
she's the stinger of a bee you trusted to land on your arm
she's the promise from a razor that it'll do you no harm
she is my dreams
she is my alarm
she's the wine in my glass
she's my tasteless microwavable chicken parm

she's the bed where I sleep
she's the room where I shower
she's the one there with me through every waking hour
she's the smiles I fake
she's a poisonous flower
if there even is still a sweet she's the overpowering sour
she's the soles of my shoes
I pray will go up to god
as I step off the ledge
with a deep breath and a nod
and as I fell to the ground
in her sight I did cower
as I realized finally
that she was the tower
Track Name: Motha Motha Kid
a crazy old lady named Joan once said
that I was a motha motha kid
at the time it didn't make much sense
but I haven't looked back since

shop lifting from convenience stores
steal from the rich and steal from the poor
stealing balloons from the community college
I don't care cause I live on the edge
now I got a bedroom filled with balloons
gonna float away just like in the cartoons
kicked out of college kicked off the edge
I don't care cause I'm a motha motha kid

a close friend of mine once said to me
"you're a motha motha kid as far as I can see"
I said girl you couldn't be more right
and this motha motha kid ain't going down without a fight

punching friends in the face
no sympathy for the human race
don't think twice just swing away
I'm a motha motha kid till my dying day
I was bored sitting on my porch
so I burnt the town down with a gasoline torch
they said take a look now at what you did
I said "I don't care cause I'm a motha motha kid"
Track Name: Trash Song
I don't give a fuck anymore

shit's all piling up
shit's all piling up, this world is a landfill
and I'll be damned if I'm buried beneath it
so I'll climb
I'll climb to the top of the trash
that's not to say that I'm not trash myself
I'm just trash with ambition

I'm trash with ambition
and I'm on a mission
I'm trash with ambition
and I'm on a mission
I'm trash with goals
getting picked at by the sea gulls
I'm trash with dreams
I'm trash that teems with dreams of anarchy
I'm trash with fight
I'm trash that glows with radioactive light
I'm trash with fight
I'm trash that just might bite your throat tonight

I smoke my cigarettes down to the filter
and waste is an unstable oil rig
it's so easy to tilt her
I know I'm white trash and I got shit luck
and I know that this song sucked but frankly
I don't give a fuck
Track Name: The Chills
sometimes I wish everything would just stop
for a second or two
just let me collect my thoughts
I don't know what to do
everything is moving way too fast
I think I'm having an anxiety attack
just take a few more pills
let them slither down your throat
here come the chills

I wish the rain would just stop pouring
I wish the old man would stop snoring
I wish he never bumped his head
I wish he never had to be dead
I wish the world would stop turning
I wish hell would stop burning
I wish the preacher would stop preaching
I wish god would just stop looking down on me

just let me live my life, just let me be

but if they could put Jesus in a pill
and make some kind of divine chemical
something like M.D.M.A.
but that doesn't put holes in your brain
and makes everything seem a little more than just okay
you know I'd take that pill
every day
once a day
twice a day
three times a day

I wish the wind would cease to blow
I wish the grass would cease to grow
I wish that you would just stop talking
I wish everyone would just stop talking
wish my hands would stop shaking
I wish the skies would stop scraping
I wish the cars would stop moving
I wish everything would just stop moving

for a second or two
just let me collect my thoughts
I don't know what to do
cause everything is moving way too fast
I think I'm having an anxiety attack
just take a few more pills
let them slither down your throat
here come the chills
Track Name: Wish You Could Have Stayed
I'm wandering through the graveyard
thinking of you
and I gladly pour a healthy gulp of my booze
out for you
and it'll sink down
into the dirt
and eventually down to the underworld

and it might have a little bit of dirt in it
when you finally get around to drinking it

and I'm throwing cigarettes into the fire
just for you
and I'll watch as the smoke clouds grow higher and higher
up to you
and god will say
god will say "hey"
"there's no smoking in here"
and you'll say
"hey man I thought this was heaven
why don't you crack open a beer
and try to enjoy yourself, Jesus Christ"
and I don't know
what to say
I miss you
and I wish you could have stayed
Track Name: Foolish Sentiment
Best friends until the end
I know it sounds like a foolish sentiment
but it's a promise that I intend to keep
and I'll be there for you through
thick and thin just like you
just like you've been there for me

and when things get pretty rough
we can both be pretty tough
but we could both use someone to talk to
we could both use a second point of view
that could be me
could that be you?

I know that you've been going through a lot recently
I won't get into details I just wanted to express my sincerest sympathy
and you were there for me when my brain was soaked in whiskey and depression
you picked me up and invited me to a recording session in Uxbridge
and I'll be there for you any way that I can figure how
I may be a skinny kid but I'm still strong enough
to pick you up when you are down
when you are down
and out
don't count
me out

you can count me in